Anyone that has said marriage was easy had to be single! There is nothing easy about merging your life with another person. Several decades ago, people did not divorce because they were in circumstances in which it was simply not an option – women could not support themselves and society did not accept it, among many others. Now, however, marriages are ending left and right. If you are in a marriage that is on the rocks, it may be a good time to consider whether your partner and the life you have is worth saving a marriage. As difficult as it is to make a marriage work, it is even harder to save one that is already damaged.

In looking at saving a marriage, you should not only look at current circumstances, but also the history the two of you share together. How did you meet? What was it that made you fall in love? Were you ever really in love? At some point, you should consider the good times instead of only dwelling on the bad. If you and your spouse are experiencing a bad time, it is easy to block out that good times ever existed. However, you should be fair to yourself and your partner.

Then, it is time to look at the bad times. Did either of you cheat? Are there other major issues that have occurred between you that one of you has a hard time dealing with? Sometimes these major issues get buried over time, but the resentment remains and it eats away at the relationship. Do you find yourself being mad at your spouse over little things or for no reason at all? If this is the case, you should really look at the underlying issues you have.

At some point, you should close your eyes and picture what the perfect spouse would be. Not Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, but the real characteristics you would like to have in your spouse. Then you should step back and see how your spouse measures up. You should be very careful to be realistic in this exercise. If you have unrealistic expectations, you will never be happy with anyone. However, if the essential core of your spouse is deficient, you may be selling yourself short by staying.

Although saving a marriage is difficult, you should not rush off and get a divorce. You should, however, try to be fair to you and your spouse and choose to both try wholeheartedly or to let go completely.

Tags: Divorce, Marriage, Relationships

Sometimes divorce might look like the only solution for a bleak marriage but if there are still feelings there, it is never too late. If you still love your partner, the rest can be worked on. Perhaps love for one another is the only thing you feel you still have in common.

Maybe you cannot talk without arguing or fighting. Maybe you feel you partner has been neglecting you for years and will never change. Maybe you have not been sexually intimate for a long time and this will never get better. The fact remains that you still love one another, even with all of these other problems and issues.

It helps to think about what your relationship was like before it started becoming problematic. It was obviously far better, else you never would have got married. There are exceptions, of course, such as marrying because of an accidental pregnancy, even though you didn’t know each other well enough, but usually a couple who were happy once can find this happiness again. They just have to know where to look and what to do.

If communication seems to have broken down, a marriage counselor might be the one to help you find it again. Very often, when a couple is having serious marital problems, they stop communicating, or their communication is limited to fights and verbal abuse. Having a third party present, who knows what to ask and will set the couple goals, can be very helpful. It does not always save the marriage but is worth a try if nothing else seems to be successful.

Intimacy problems, less sexual activity or lack of variety can be causes of a dysfunctional
relationship.

A trial separation might work too (or it might backfire). If you find it impossible to live together and separate, you might find it even worse to live without one another and miss each other enough to give it another go.

If your marriage has hit the rocks, getting as far away from your partner is probably something that sounds appealing but this is simply a case of running away from your problems rather than tackling them head on and trying to find a solution.

You need to realize that men and women are fundamentally different and even perceive words a different way and express their emotions differently. Women tend to talk about emotions, and show them, more than men, but that doesn’t mean men don’t feel them as strongly. A woman might demonstrate her love for her husband by cooking, cleaning and raising the children. A man might show his by working hard to earn enough to maintain nice house for his family, and then wanting to spend time with his wife in the evenings. He might be surprised when the woman doesn’t want to sit with him on the couch to relax, or says she is too busy with the children, and take this as a rejection rather than the fact she is genuinely busy. This is where compromise is needed. He can help her with the children so they are bathed and in bed more quickly, then they will have some time on the couch, enjoying each other’s company. This is just an example but if he said and did nothing, he would feel resentful and she would wonder why he was in a bad mood. This would lead to resentment with the only reason being inadequate communication.

The main thing is this – if you love one another, divorce can be avoided. Communication and mutual respect are paramount and if you actively strive for a better relationship, your marriage has a great chance to be successful.

Tags: Divorce, Love, Marriage

Do I need a lawyer?

Check out the following circumstances to make sure whether you need to have a lawyer or not.

• You and your spouse have been wed for at least 5 years
• You and your spouse have kids.
• Either you or your spouse is the breadwinner while the other may have difficulty getting on his/her own two feet financially speaking, once the divorce is finalized.
• You or your spouse has come upon inheritance while married to one another.
• Either you or your spouse is in debt.

Where can I get a divorce lawyer?

There are a many ways to get a divorce lawyer. Also try asking your marriage counselor or therapist for a referral. Of course you may ask your relatives or friends as well. Other lawyers can recommend those attorneys which specialize in divorce also.

It is also possible if you may even go straight to the courthouse to check out if a particular divorce lawyer strikes your fancy. No matter where you look, may it be in the yellow pages or in directories on-line, you should assess their credentials.

Meeting a lawyer for consultation

After finding a promising lawyer, the next step would be to meet him/her for consultation. If he/she is hard to reach then this may be a sign that you may have a hard time getting in contact with him/her once you hire him/her as your divorce lawyer. Find out how much he/she may charge for consultation. What exactly is his/her specialization? It’s important that he/she specializes in divorce, for you to have the best representation. You wouldn’t want a gynecologist dealing with your heart disease would you? Of course you’d seek the help of a cardiologist and with legal matters it goes the same. Seek the help of a divorce attorney for divorce concerns.

What you ought to know after consultation with a divorce lawyer

The first time you meet with a divorce lawyer may be one of the few times that you are the one who gets to do most of the asking. Make the most of it. Find out everything you need to know in order to make the right choice of attorney. After speaking with a lawyer, make sure you’ve discussed the following matters:

• Length of practice
• Case specialization
• Divorce trial experience
• Experience in negotiation for settlements
• Familiarity with divorce mediators
• Custody dispute experience
• Familiarity with tax issues of divorce
• Familiarity with your particular situation/context
• Projected period of time for your case
• Projected outcome for your case
• Schedule and methods of contacting him/her
• Fee (Including specifics, like if travel time is included)
• Manner of billing

Tags: Divorce, Lawyers

Not surprisingly, assets are often hidden in a divorce situation. Why – well simply greed, or the feelings of betrayal or anger at the need to divide assets in the divorce, or the fear of not having enough after the divorce all motivate the behavior of hiding assets.

In divorce, the parties assets are divided. Under the divorce laws of some states they are divided equally and under the divorce laws of other states, they are divided “equitably” or fairly. Equitably often means equally to overworked divorce judges.

There is no way to know in advance if your spouse has or will hide assets in a divorce. You know your spouse better than your divorce attorney will and you will need to alert your attorney to the possibility of your spouse hiding assets. Before you get to that point, however, there are some easy steps to take to prevent your spouse from being able to hide assets. Those steps include finding out everything you can about your assets before divorce.

Before you alert your spouse that you are considering divorce, you need to compile and/or stockpile documentation about all of your assets. If you do not have knowledge of your marital assets, it is time to find out what is there. If bank and other statements come to the house, open them and write down account numbers and balances.

If you have access to the cancelled checks, copy those as well. It is not unusual for a spouse who is planning a divorce to transfer money to friends or relatives with the plan being that they will give that money back after a divorce is finalized. So, you should review those records and carefully scrutinize all large or suspicious transfers that take place in the two or three years prior to or just after the filing of a divorce action.

Make sure that you know where the copies of your income tax statements are. If your spouse has a business, make sure you have a copy of several years of tax returns for that business. All of these documents can be copied and hidden safely somewhere outside of the house in the event that you need them. Taking these simple pre-emptive steps can mean the difference in obtaining a fair settlement in divorce. It will also be incredibly helpful to your divorce attorney to have this information in advance.

If banking and other statements and financial records are not kept at or mailed to your house, you will need to obtain those records in other ways. You can contact the IRS to obtain copies of any tax returns that you signed. Request copies of those returns and have them mailed to a different address – either a friend or relative or your divorce attorney. If there are returns that you have not signed, such as business tax records, you will not be able to obtain copies of those returns from the IRS. If you have access to your spouse’s place of business, you may be able to find those tax returns there. If you are worried about your spouse hiding assets in a divorce, you really do need to find those returns and make copies of them – for as many years as possible.

If you have valuables, antiques, jewelry, art or other collectibles in your home, catalog all of them and if you have appraisals, make copies. It is not unusual for those items to disappear or even to be pawned by a spouse in need of more funds.

If you suspect that your spouse has engaged in some divorce planning and is hiding assets, let your divorce attorney know. Ask your divorce attorney to subpoena records from any other individual or entity who could be involved in assisting your spouse in hiding those assets. If need be, your attorney can use the services of an investigator to help to obtain financial records that have been withheld.

Tags: Divorce, Divorce Advice

In divorce, a common question is, “what is the alimony formula”. Well, there really is no set alimony formula for divorce. This is in complete contrast to child support, which is decided based upon a specific formula in each state. Alimony is based on factors and those factors are decided through divorce negotiation or by a divorce judge. But, there is no alimony formula available to your divorce attorney or you to determine in advance what alimony will be paid in your case.

What does a divorce court look at to determine alimony? Those issues do vary by state. But, there are also many alimony factors that are common from state to state. So, although there is no specific alimony formula for you to rely on, there are alimony factors that you can look at to help you determine what the alimony might be in your case.

In divorce, some of the alimony factors that a judge might look at include the following. First is the length of your marriage. If the parties have been married for one year, the court’s attitude towards a request for alimony will be very different than if the parties have been married for twenty years. Because the length of marriage varies so much in all divorces, it is not possible to plug this factor into an alimony forumla to determine the alimony amount.

Another factor affecting the award of alimony is employment status. Obviously, if the spouse seeking alimony has been unemployed or underemployed for a number of years to care for young children, the home, or the spouse, that is a factor that will militate in that spouse’s favor if he or she is seeking alimony. On the other hand, if that spouse has the ability to obtain employment that will more than adequately meet his or her needs, the court might think a little differently about awarding alimony to that party. Other factors that are considered closely with this factor include level of education, job experience, the age of children in the household, and work history.

A major factor that can affect an award of alimony is the amount of property to be retained or divided by the parties. If the spouse seeking alimony has been a stay at home parent, but will have signifcant assets after divorce or has separate assets, like a trust fund, the court’s attitude towards the award of alimony will be affected. The court will certainly view a request for alimony under these circumstances much different than a request made by an individual who is receiving no assets in the divorce or who does not have any separate property.

The health of the party seeking alimony is a major factor that can impact a court’s decision in awarding alimony. If the spouse seeking alimony has a debilitating physical condition that impacts whether or how much they can work, the court will not want to impoverish that party after divorce and the court will be more likely to use alimony to address at least basic living needs.

One other factor that should be considered by the divorce court and by the parties, is the taxability of the alimony payments. In most instances, if there is no specific provision to the contrary, spousal support payments are taxable to the recipient and tax deductible to the payor. The tax benefit obtained by spreading out economic wealth in this fashion can be significant and should be discussed in depth with your divorce attorney.

One issue that is not always considered by the court, but should be discussed with your divorce attorney, is that alimony payments are, in general, not dischargeable in bankruptcy. If there is any possibility that the party who is to pay alimony will be filing for bankruptcy, the divorce attorneys will negotiate very hard on both sides to maximize the final benefit to their client in divorce.

It should thus be apparent that in divorce, there can be no easy alimony forumla, no matter what state you live in. It is impossible to plug these and other factors into a mathematical equation to arrive at a “correct” alimony formula. It is necessary that the divorce court, or the divorce attorneys review how these varied and different factors affect both parties in the divorce and then arrive at a solution that encompasses all of the divorce issues, including property settlement and alimony. They cannot simply set up an alimony formula that would work for all parties.

Tags: Divorce

Divorce is such a nasty thing and people should hate the destruction and harm that it does to everyone involved. The problem is that even people that hate it become victims of it inevitably. So there needs to be a source of divorce advice for those that are not using it selfishly as a way to “legitimately” escape a relationship for purely selfish reasons. Reasons like desiring more sexual conquest, or escape from something hard like a terminal illness in a spouse, or bad financial luck in a spouse, or simply lack of loyalty, and unwillingness to put in the effort that the normal hard work that a relationship takes.

People should not be rewarded for pettiness, selfishness, greed, shallow hearts, laziness, lust, deceit, and on and on. Therefore there needs to be divorce advice for both holding these people accountable and for protecting the people that are victimized by the cruelty of some. At this time advice that does these things is sadly very rare, and this is part of the reason why divorce is so rampant in today’s society.

When you think of victims most of the time your mind pictures a poor helpless middle-aged mother who has been abandoned by an evil “player” husband for a younger and less “used” woman. This victim chose out of love and loyalty to forgo the chance to better herself with an education and career to love and raise their children and bears the scars of this sacrifice literally and figuratively. While these scars of sacrifice should make her more sexy to a man who can see and understand what a gift to him they are, they do just the opposite, and he takes off. This is common and these women need good sound divorce advice for protection and to preserve their future.

Presently however this is becoming less and less typical now the opposite is true. The man who is loyal and working hard to raise his kids and provide for his family is the unattractive and boring one who gets dropped like a bad habit for a more exciting and dangerous man. These men, because this is a relatively new phenomena made possible in large part by the women’s liberation movement (which had its good points, don’t get me wrong), are in desperate need of good divorce advice because they find it harder to convince judges of their plight.

The good news is that good divorce is there to find for whatever case you may find yourself in. It is becoming more common too as the demand gets greater sadly. So there is hope you just need to do your homework and you will recover from this terrible time.

Tags: Divorce, Divorce Advice

There are some things in life you will surely enjoy doing yourself: building a birdcage, making a sand castle, maybe even something as ambitious as buying a house. But self-filing for divorce can really be a headache if you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. It may also be an emotionally painful experience, so make sure you have your ducks in a row before you research your options.

Here are a few tips on how to go about the important task of filing for divorce so it is hassle-free.

The reason you might file for divorce without the help of a lawyer or legal service is because it is simply a lot cheaper. The filing fee, to begin with, will probably be over $100 and if a response is filed, that number will only go up. It’s understandable if you want to avoid any extra expenses, especially considering the financial and emotional toll a divorce takes on everyone involved.

But unless you have a strong grasp on what you’re doing, then that lawyer or legal service might be a resource you regret not investing in. Nonetheless, here’s how to file for divorce on your own.

There are a handful of requirements that you have to meet before you should even consider filing for divorce. In some states, you’ll have to meet even more than the following requirements, but here’s a basic idea:
” Whatever state you are filing for divorce in, you must have lived there for at least six months. As for county, your residency requirement is three months. (These state and county residency requirements may vary, depending on the region of the United States.)
” Do you have legal grounds to divorce? “Irreconcilable difficulties” is the most commonly cited reason for a divorce and it has an extremely broad definition, meaning it is rare that it’s illegal for someone to file for divorce. If you’ve faced marital problems that have hurt the marriage and are irreconcilable, then you have legal grounds. There is also the option of “incurable sanity” that is only used in extreme circumstances.
” You will file for divorce in your county; the action for divorce must be presented in the court of your jurisdiction. It may difficult or a piece of cake to track down the proper court.

If your divorce is uncontested, it’s fairly uncomplicated to file for divorce. It’s when your husband or wife responds with a counteraction of some type that it starts to get rocky and a lawyer isn’t really expendable. There are even online resources right now that allow you to do all your filing over the Internet; these usually cost money to use however.

In summary, to self file for divorce, you will need to fulfill the above requirements and file a petition for divorce with the correct court in your county and state. (More populated counties may have multiple locations that you’ll have to review before filing.) Remember to check into your local requirements, for legal grounds and jurisdictions, so you aren’t hit with any unpleasant surprises and hangups.

Tags: Divorce

Are you feeling relieved after divorce or cheated? After many divorces people feel happy while in many rather more cases they feel cheated. Why? Divorce it self is a very painful process and the times that lead to divorce are more painful. The question is why get the sense of feeling cheated after getting divorce? Let us talk about this.

Relationship demands giving – People give a lot to their marriage; most of them do it except few. Right from the development of relationship, a lot of time, emotional energy and physical resources are given to make it work. During marriage the investment goes higher. Most of the partners want the marriage to work. There are exceptions that unbelievably want to destroy because of psychological problems. When cracks develop in the marriage, lot more effort is made to save the marriage and when the marriage breaks after putting in so much effort, one feels cheated.

Is this true for all? This is not true for all. There are few individuals who don’t give anything in marriage. They ask for it. The demand and contribute nothing. That is the game of selfishness played by them. So these people will never feel cheated. They will only feel bad that they lost an easy victim.

What should you do? The only way out is to forget the losses. Try to erase the past as much as possible. This will be difficult, but break the pain bit by bit. Work on it and it will go away one day. Try to forge another relationship and forget what went wrong. Cut your losses as soon as possible.

Tags: Divorce, Relationship

Cooperation may not be a word many people associate with divorce, but if the authors of a new book have their way, it soon will be. Called “The Collaborative Way To Divorce: The Revolutionary Method That Results in Less Stress, Lower Costs, and Happier Kids-Without Going to Court,” (Hudson Street Press, $23.95) the book provides what authors Stuart G. Webb and Ronald D. Ousky say is a way for couples to avoid litigation, without giving up what they want.

Their Collaborative process, which is a nationally acclaimed approach, is helping transform the way couples dissolve their marriages, divide assets, reinvent their post-divorce relationships and deal with custody issues.

For instance, the divorce process is traditionally started when one spouse prepares (with the help of an attorney) a summons and petition. That paperwork is then filed with the court and a judge is assigned the case. In Collaborative divorces, both clients and their attorneys meet for a four-way conference to discuss how everyone wants to proceed with the case. All parties sign an agreement which commits them to resolving all issues out of court.

The book guides readers step by step through the Collaborative process and emphasizes what the authors say is a key point: Collaborative divorces aren’t about going easy on your spouse, they’re about ending up with more money, less stress and happier kids.

Tags: Divorce, Stressing Divorce

It is true that marriages are made in heaven. But everything falls flat on their butt once a marriage hits the rocks. Every bit of reconciliation fails and divorce seems to be the only way out. If everything – both financial and other aspects – is settled before parting ways, then we can say – all is well that ends well. But if the separation is not so amicable and there is some sourness left somewhere in terms of an unsettled financial debt, things can turn both ugly and complex.

One such difficult situation arises when one of the partners incur a credit card debt, and the credit card debt after divorce assumes the form of a Damocles sword in the form of collection people, constantly nagging either of the ex-spouses to settle the due. The situation is a bit tricky here because whether the person who incurred the debt or the other ex-spouse has the real responsibility of making the payment is still not defined clearly by the law. The situation gets more complex when it comes to joint accounts. But let us see the credit card debt after divorce now.

Credit Card debt after divorce – mostly in joint credit cards – is generally seen by the creditors as the joint responsibility of the couple. Actually the spouse who didn’t incur the amount is not liable to pay, but the credit card company may seek payment from both the parties as they care only about the money due to them. What settlement had been reached after divorce is of little interest to these people.

One may feel that closing out credit card accounts (joint) is a solution to all these problems. If you have a responsible spouse, well this will work. But the fact is that the account does not cancel itself until somebody makes the payment. Also, after divorce, it is legally not practical to divide the debts. Hence these are some practical solution, from best to worst.

- Sell any joint asset (say, home) and pay the debt and close the account. It is a classic example of killing two birds with a stone.

- Separate credit cards can be a better option in such a situation. After applying, get the dues transferred into individual cards, divided according to your own logic or the way you spent.

- In this regard, if one of the spouses is not qualified to get a card, get one of the relatives to cosign the card before transferring the share of balance.

But, rather than being through this ordeal, the best option is to get yourself everything settled before divorce. It is always a pain to go behind all these joint issues when you are about to start a new life. Take Care!

Tags: Divorce